Saturday, 28 December 2013

I Love School. (yes i do)

Being accepted into my dream course in my dream school was nothing short of amazing for me. Ever since the day I started researching my post-Secondary education path, all I’ve ever wanted was to be in Media and Communications at Singapore Polytechnic. (concrete and slightly insane proof when I get back to SG and can unearth it and take photos LOL)

At times, I felt like I had no choice but to just give up and settle for courses I knew I had neither interest nor aptitude in. Hell, there were few courses that I was even eligible to apply for. Beggars can’t be choosers, right?

I had to jump through so many hurdles and waste so much time (although i no longer feel that it was a "waste"). It just always seemed like my dream was so close yet so far away.

Despite all the people who told me I couldn’t do it and I should just give up (from mere strangers to the people who were nearest and dearest to me). Despite the hours spent sitting alone feeling so lost and unsure. Despite the number of tears that fell. Despite all the disappointment, fear, anger, and the feeling of being on the brink of insanity. I knew at the back of my mind that I would accomplish my goal one day. Someday, somehow.

Thank you to all the people who advised, consoled, and stood by me. Using each of your own ways of reminding me, reassuring me. And sometimes, pulling me back to Earth when I got my head stuck in the clouds for too long haha.

The journey was long, rocky, and frankly quite terrifying.

Even when things started to fall into place, I was too afraid to celebrate prematurely (haha I said ‘prematurely’). Until the morning of 31st January 2013, (oh what a terrible morning it was, full of adrenaline and PANIC) when I finally received the confirmation I’d been waiting for since 2011 (but what seemed like seven centuries)…


When I first laid eyes on it, my heart began pounding and I just couldn’t believe it. I read the line (that beautiful, beautiful sentence. i want to kiss it forever) over and over again just to make sure I wasn’t crazy.

Then, for the first time in my life, I started bawling (more like wheezing) uncontrollable tears of joy. I’d always thought it’s silly and that I would never experience it in my life (“tears are 80% pain, 19% salt and 1% H20, yo”), but it’s a nice feeling. To know that your tears and sobs are from genuine happiness and relief, after having cried tears of pain for so long :))

The Start of Something New

The beginning wasn't exactly a smooth one.

I punished myself for every moment that I didn’t spend having a good time or being happy. “This is what I asked for, what more do I want?”, I would think. Haha silly me. I forbade myself to feel any negative emotions about ANYTHING related to school. I wouldn’t admit it when I felt fatigued and overwhelmed by the stress of schoolwork. I allowed myself to be stuck in situations that I knew made me feel uncomfortable. I let people sap me of my positive energy and my personal beliefs. I prevented myself from crying out for help.

Hahahahahaha I just thought of all the stupid things in the past I used to get my panties in a knot over, let’s all sit in a circle and laugh about it over a cup of cocoa!! Or milo. Or teh ping. I like teh ping. But it’ll keep me up all night haha. ~♪We’re up all night til the Sun, we’re up all night for good fun. Up all night to get lucky.~ ♫ (lucky meaning i can get more teh ping)

Anyway.

I am beyond thankful to be in this course, where I can finally say “I love school” and know that I genuinely mean and believe it.

To be in 05; forever so fun, supportive, perfectly imperfect and just plain amazing. I’m grateful for every lecturer who touched my life in some way or other (when i’m such a horrible student hahaha oh god). I’m thankful for all the experiences I’ve had (and it’s not even the end of the first year oh my) and all the people I’ve met, and to those whom I’ve had the blessing of really getting to know. Each and every one of them played a part in my journey to happiness (wow so cheesy help me pls).

It's not just about being able to study what I love, too.

I feel like I’m finally in an environment, in a stage of my life, where I can freely be who I am inside. Do the things that make me happy, say the things that I know should be said. I’ve learned that each and every one of us is different, in our own unique and beautiful ways. And anybody who makes you feel oppressed or bad about yourself is a shithead. (kidding) (but seriously)

Okay since we’re dropping cringeworthy clichés, here’s one more to wrap things up: ✧ Lessons don’t just take place in the classroom/lecture theater ✧

I’ve honestly learned so much. From being able to find my voice in a project group, having the humility to ask for help and in return, extend help to people in need. Listening to what the amazing lecturers and fellow students have to say, and just sitting in a room and observing what happens. Every day is an opportunity to learn.

I learned about people and how different we all are. I learned things about myself. I learned more about Life itself. And the most invaluable thing I’ve learned this year? The one thing that I’d spent my whole life thus far thinking, and believing, that I’d never be able to fully understand and accomplish?

I learned how to be happy.

*CUE THE SAD MUSIC AND THE HAPPY TEARS AND THE TISSUES AND THE ‘AWWWWWW’s AND THE GROUP HUGS AND THE SOLO HUGS THE SQUEEZY HUGS AND THE AWKWARD HUGS WHERE WE DON’T REALLY KNOW EACH OTHER THAT WELL YET AND OUR BODIES ARE JUST HOVERING NEAR EACH AND THE VIRTUAL HUGS FOR PEOPLE LIKE MISS TRUDY WHO JUST ‘Don’t do hugs’ AND THAT’S PERFECTLY OKAY I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND AND RESPECT THAT AND I SHALL JUST COME UP WITH DIFFERENT WAYS OF EXPRESSING MY LOVE AND GRATITUDE FOR YOUUUUUUUU HOW ABOUT I WRITE YOU A NICE LETTER BUT THEN I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY THAT IT’LL TURN INTO A NOVEL WRITTEN ACROSS 10,000 COMBINED CARDS AND MY HANDWRITING GETS CRAZY WHEN I’M THIS EXCITED*

what was I talking about again?

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