Tuesday, 6 October 2015

False Advertising? / Putting Your Best Face Forward

First things first, I missed a whole week's worth of #internshipadventures blog posts and I do apologise for that. It's officially been a month at TSL and Week 4 was by far the most eventful yet. Especially Friday, hoo boy. Shit was epic, to say the least! I was so excited to share everything about it but alas, I was struck with another first: I had to work the weekend.

Was tasked to rush out an entire article over the weekend at the very last minute, and I had nary any time to tend to anything else but that.

Oh well! Hopefully the time will still come when I get to blog about the happenings of that wonderful Friday. But for now, I got shit I want to say lol

Was kinda feelin' my look today so when I reached home this evening after work (following a 45 minute bus ride where i fell asleep and had my head smashed into the window when the vehicle jerked to a halt lmao #funtimes) I decided to do what I haven't properly done in a while: take a selfie.

Or rather, have myself a little selfie photoshoot hahaha

A few snaps later, I was like.


I know for a fact that I ain't gonna be able to post none o' this shit...

And I know this sounds narcissistic as all hell and y'all are probably gonna curl up in a ball and just WAIL in disgust, but it's because.

I actually look kinda cute...in dem pics?????



(forehead big af lah i know but das how i be deflectin' them hantus and shit)


I can't believe how guilty and demonised I feel just for thinking that I look good in some pictures lol. Makes you wonder, huh? Are we all supposed to walk around portraying a shitty sense of self esteem and promote the idea that we genuinely believe we look like trash and are good for nothing?

Soz, shit got way too real there lmao. My apologies.

Anywho, yeah.

I got sad knowing that I wouln't be able to post the selfies on social media or anything. Coz I'd feel bad.

I'd feel embarrassed that I was putting "false advertising" of myself or rather, my looks, out there.

I'd feel ashamed knowing that followers who actually know me will scroll through their timeline, see the pic and go, "what the fuck. she does NOT look like that in real life."

I know a hell of a lot of girls who look worlds apart in real life and on photos they post onto Instagram, and while I can't deny that I find it amusing to compare the two, I've never once judged them for it.

Coz I know the struggle lol

The fuck you gonna do when you can barely make it through everyday life with a face that's less than genetically blessed, to say the least. And when you chance upon a rare opportunity where the stars and moons and planets align and you actually look kinda nice, you'd want to take a picture of yourself to commemorate that shit, right?

Welp. Now you can't post it anywhere or let nobody see it coz guess what, you sure as hell don't look like that every other second of every damn day. God, damn it...

Who the hell would even post a picture of themself looking hideous, anyway? Obvs you gon want to present only the best of your goddamn self, right? RIGHT?!!

And just to set the record straight, I don't edit my selfies lol coz that would probably bring the state of unrecognisability to a whole new level.

But I will tell you, my industry secrets and tips of the trade which I've picked up after being in the selfie game for several years (LMAO), that it's all about 1) good lighting and 2) knowing your angles.

I been doing this for so long, best believe that I know how to tilt my head and point the camera so that my usually long face and gigantic forehead suddenly turn into this dainty little face with a gently pointed chin.

You open dem eyes to the absolute fullest, girl!

You POUT them lips and give it all you got!

Oh yeah, a decent camera also does wonders. I used to have to tweak the brightness and contrast of my face shots quite a bit to get rid of any weird and unflattering shadows that shouldn't even be there. But now it's all good, and I can proudly stamp my selfies with the No Filter hashtag and know that I ain't a living, breathing scam lol. #NowYouKnow

Right...this post has been one big, pointless excuse to whore out my selfies and basically call myself pretty lol. I can't shake this feeling of grossness and I'm sure you feel it too, but let me just bask in this lovely confidence that I'm suddenly possessing tonight, aye?

I'll be back to looking like a lumpy sack of mashed potatoes complete with grease practically dripping from my face and hair, but in the meantime:

please enjoy this photo i gloriously stumbled upon when i delved into the depths of my picture folder

Good...lord almighty............ ....... ..


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