Sunday, 24 April 2016

BMC 万岁!!

Due to my profound love for naps, I find myself volunteering less of my time towards frivolous social hangouts as the years go by. But among all the people whom I'm neither related to nor dating, Joyce and Thomas have become the ones I spend so much of my waking hours with, it's come to a point where my mother is convinced that the three of us will sooner or later fuse into one big, gelatinous blob.


Sometimes they feel like my older, swaggier kor kor and jie jie. (irrelevant coz Thomas is 3 days younger than me, so obviously i win)(but then again his height is like a sturdy German tree so anyone would probably think he was older and does not share the same birthday as Miley Cyrus)(he does.)
Sometimes they feel like my work parents, watching over me and providing my foolish self with delicate care and concern.
Most times it just feels like we're 3 weirdos wandering around and having a blast.
Whatever it is, I'm so glad we managed to find each other :'))

Forreal doe you may shit on my mushiness all you want but I have so much love and appreciation for the both of them (each one for different reasons, but when their forces come together it's like BOOM!, mighty power rangers here to save the day and not make me want to die at work) that I can honestly feel my fragile little heart THROBBING wit emotions for these two gr8 Hugh Mans <3


Thomas using a fork to eat his hot cocoa marshmallow coz he metal af

Yesterday was right up there in my ranks of BEST DAY(s) EVER, and all just from having one (very expensive, very delicious) meal together and subsequently dicking around the same cafe for 3+ hours, talking shit and laughing so hard it hurts but overall just refusing to remove our asses from Wild Honey's cushy ass seats hahaha

I was positively REELING from the amount of joy and excitement that as soon as I entered my parents' car afterwards, I felt the need to type this out on my phone so as to immortalise the feeling of the moment lmao (yes i am still in the business of using the SMS drafts function to chronicle my flood of thoughts and emotions huehuehue im so a normal person aren't i!!!1)


Intense, indeed.


Paris Hot Chocolate: valrhona chocolate, whole milk with homemade marshallow. ($8)

Thomas had his hot cocoa served in a special cup coz he fancy as hellll. And look at that fucking HOMEMADE marshmallow. Not only is it ginormous, it is a SQUARE. Not even a boring as cylinder. It has 90° sides and everything.


Pretty sure this is what living on the lap of luxury is like.

Joyce, taking a Snapchat of me photographing his hot chocolate so as to blog about it: "This is fancy. Is it going on puddingFANCY?!!!! :DD"
Me: /dies

The Spanish: diced chorizo, house corned beef & potato, poached eggs & hollandaise sauce with signature brioche. ($24)

The Sweet Morning: twice cooked signature brioche french toast stuffed with grilled mango (!!), vanilla bean mascarpone & hibiscus-berry compote. ($19)

Joyce's Sweet Morning French toast coz she's hella sweet hehehehe <3 lol give me a raise, boss.

The Parisienne: stuffed savoury french toast with signature brioche, leg ham, gruyere cheese, dijon mustard, topped with fried eggs & hollandaise sauce with salad & vine pearl tomatoes. ($24)

I think I've been blessed enough to have sampled plenty of good food in my life thus far, and for that I truly am thankful. But yo, this shit. Was. LIFE CHANGING.

Honestly it's been a willy while since I've indulged in a fancy ass meal and this really took the cake...I mean, hoo boy. Forrealzies.

Yummy, well-executed slabs of French toast encasing plenty of savoury, lean ham and oodles of thick melted gooey cheese.

My salt tooth was majorly pleased.

Even the salad on the side was driving my tastebuds wild, goddamn. Whatever dressing they used was straight outta heaven's very own kitchen cabinet, of that I am sure!

Blew my entire month's worth of funds on this doozy of a meal, though. Not gonna lie.

Well worth the occasional indulgence but Imma have to go back to living the peasant life right about now. Counting down the days til I'll get to have such magnificent meats in my mouth once more...jks lol STAHP IT

I was talking about the delicious ham, OBVIOUSLY. Jeez...


Swee came by to join us afterwards but since we’d already been sitting there post-meal with no food on the table for a good hour or so, we decided to order a second round of stuff so people wouldn’t hate us as much teehee.


Tea breads! 

Essentially just a hella atas version of banana bread. The fudgey globules of Nutella were amazing, though.

Plus a nice cold glass of Wild Dolce Mocha, my faveeeee <3

Delicious iced mocha with a swirl of honey, what's not to love!!

'Twas an awesome time indeed :'))


Swee’s spam account privileges, aka ultimate bragging rights. Yay BMC! lol


And here we have three out of probably...six? of my favourite people in the entire TSL office hehehe shhhh!! Don't tell anyone!!!!! (๑・ω-)~♥”

Sunday, 10 April 2016

so far gone.

Woke up today feeling abso-fucking-lutely shitty. Like, physical aching right to the core of my chest. But I waddled on over to the coffee table where my family’s mail is usually piled up, spotted my name on a single brown envelope, and tore that shit up to reveal something that definitely made me feel much, much better.

Top 10%, BITCHEZZZ.

Best believe THAT did the job of ridding me of all my pains and miseries.

Because in the grand scheme of things, success that I’ve accomplished all on my own from nothing but dedication and straight up SLOGGING for 3 years straight, sure makes literally just some guy who was only featured in my daily life for 3 months, seem a lot less significant, doesn’t it?


With that, I hereby declare the official END of the shitty ass emo posts. I’m done, man. Honestly just done to the doneth level with all this shit.

If it was proper closure I was waiting on, well I got it. Last night. When he lured me out of my house under the pretence of wanting to give me an “explanation”, only to spend 20 minutes attacking me for a series of isolated incidents he’s seemingly been harbouring deep in his heart since god knows when.

Legit, the first thing, FIRST THING!! he said to me was “did u tell everyone in your office about us??!”, just because there were a couple of comments left under an instagram post i uploaded the night before. mind you, it made no mention of his identity in any way, shape or form.

i literally have no control over what others wish to comment…nor do i have that much free time as to ORDER those people to comment what they did lol GROW UP.

Thereafter, he started yelling at me some more. Fun fact: throughout the entire exchange there was only a single one-liner that could be qualified as an "explanation”. And hey, I may be a tad biased here, but I think it was one shitty ass excuse.

We went round and round in circles of him trying to weave himself out of this mess and make it seem like it was NO fault of his whatsoever, and me picking apart each of his arguments to show him what completely LUDICROUS claims they were. After which he would only get angrier and seem to hate me more. Which is totes fine by me, by the way. Lol


Honestly it just got laughable after a while. How someone can be so dense and deluded is just…beyond me.

All in all, the meet-up was just a way for him to assuage himself of any guilt and push all the blame to me so he could sleep better at night believing a made-up story where he didn’t completely fuck me over when all I did was overlook every single fucking one of his flaws and care for him for who he is. Nothing more, nothing less.

At certain points he even made ME feel like I was the one at fault for this thing failing to work lol. Can you believe that? This shitty arrangement? He blamed ME for not wanting to continue a 100% one-sided relationship (he verbally admitted to this, btw) where my feelings and emotional investment in him would only grow with time, while he gets to carry on enjoying the perks of having a girlfriend figure in his life without having to give jack shit in return. No feelings. No commitment. Nothing.

Fuckkkkkk man.


You know a lot of the nights I curled myself up in bed just crying and crying, feeling utterly sorry for myself? Now it’s become clear as day who the real pitiful one is.

As Marshall Eriksen once shared (i go to fictional himym characters a lot for relationship adages HAHA), it takes one week for every month you guys were together for you to move on from a breakup.

Well, you just sped up the process by a whole ton, buddy. Good job accelerating that recovery process, pal.

Coz if there’s one thing I’ve learnt from my first dating experience in life, it’s that HATE, in contrast to sadness and heartbreak, is a helluva drug to make you stop the tears and just get the fuck over someone, REAL fast.


Well.

April ’16 sure got off to a weird start, with one solid week of emotion-packed posts and shit. But that’s all over now so let’s shut the door forever and let whatever lies behind it slowly go to die lol

See y’all qtpies in the next post for some fun, wholesome, (not-very-exciting coz frankly i don’t do much with my life lol) content about my fuccboi-lacking, drama-free life!! woohoo lol thanks for sticking around <3

and sorry to disappoint if u r one of the few peepz who camped around my blog with a bucket of popcorn waiting for the next emo shit post to drop hahahaha YEA I SEE YOU

Friday, 8 April 2016

more shit about heartbreak: the MUSIC edition! (ooooh!~~)

In today's edition of Looking Through Old Notes On My Mac And Pouring Metaphorical Salt Into My (Also Metaphorical) Wounds, I found this dumbass "love playlist" which I supposedly felt compelled to draft up back in mid-March lmao wtf??

Holy shit I need help sia...who has time for this shit lmao AND WHY DID I SOUND SO ENTHU

*also there's like 1200 mentions of sex in that one little list...someone pass the holy water pls omg

siao liao siao liao


All the tracks were either discovered or revisited during the months of Jan to March, which is when we dated.

I'm guessing 16th March was probably a day where I felt so giddy with affection and missed the sight of his face so much that I decided to sit down with my laptop and write out this stupid ass list lmao what the frickle frackle


I was so pure and naive then, full of hope and the belief that love actually exists. Sigh

Right now, as much as I'd want to latch onto a rebound or a replacement, whatever you want to call it to fill this gaping void within me (not my vagina lol i'm talking about my hEART)(nobody even asked but ok), part of me knows that I'll probably not be able to even let another in the same way again (again, not my vagina lol JUST A GENTLE CLARIFICATION!). Not for a long time coming.

Maybe it's for the better.

But in the meantime, it's time to build those walls surrounding my heart, soul, and entire being again. The ones which you somehow managed to successfully tear down only to have everything inside destroyed?

Yup.

It's time to start all over again. From the ground up.

And i pray that I'll be wary the next time of whom I entrust the key to.


Ok emo shit over, I want to talk about more songs now lol PURELY SAD ONES this time.


Going into work on Monday, I was feeling really miserable and unready to face any fellow humans so I decided to stick my face in my phone in the search of technological distractions.

As fate would have it, I stumbled upon this video 100% coincidentally and unplanned! I was actually trying to watch some Unpretty Rapstar vids so i would feel like a badass again and less of a whiny, self-pitying blob lmao (i failed)

Quite possibly the saddest shit ever.

Basick's verse in particular is what really gets me. Such simple lines but it really does hit home for anybody who's ever been in and out of love.

[irrelevant and frankly quite boring rant that'll be interesting to absolutely no one but myself simply coz i love Hyorin so much lol SHE IS PERF]

actually there was a comment on the video which i found rather hilarious

anyone who listens to this song and understands the lyrics would naturally assume it was about a guy who broke her heart right?

someone in the comment section said, "this is definitely about her cat"

hyorin is a full-fledged cat lady, so when i first read the comment i was like LOL

but later i found out the story was not only true, it is completely heartwrenching...

...awkward.


[ok im done lol]


Two other songs that have given me massive feels by the TRUCKLOAD, "Don't" and "Exchange" by Bryson Tiller (holy shit he is one talented lil dude)

Real talk, these songs be sad as shit lol he is VERY emotional! But they're such great tunes I just can't stop jamming out to them ahhhhhhh omg help~~!

On one hand it makes your heart bleed like crazy. But in a bittersweet sort of way, it also brings hope and promise that one day a guy like that will come into your life and say those very words to you.. and actually mean it!!


The lyrics are bomb af in both songs, but Imma highlight some of my faves even tho no one asked me to lol. I just feel so strongly about those words every time I hear them when I'm plugged in on the train, walking to work and shit. Like, damn. I really wanna find somebody like that one day.


"Somebody gotta step up
Girl, I'm that somebody, so I'm next up
Be damned if I let him catch up

It's easy to see that you're fed up
I am on a whole 'nother level

Girl, he only fucked you over cause you let him.

Fuck him, girl, I guess he didn't know any better
Girl, that man didn't show any effort

Do all I can just to show you you're special
Certain it's your love that holds me together"

!!!

This part gives me CHILLS every time. Shiet.


"Shawty, you deserve what you've been missin'
Lookin' at you, I'm thinkin' he must be trippin'
Play this song for him, tell him, "Just listen""

Fucking powerful shit right there, man.


"Girl, said he keeps on playin' games
And his lovin' ain't the same
I don't know what to say, but

What a shame.

If you were mine you would not get the same
If you were mine you would top everything"

This part is not so much about the words but more of how he delivers them, he just sounds so forlorn and genuinely sorry for the girl on the shitty guy's behalf like. DAMN. THIS IS REAL SHIT, YO!!


Ok I basically highlighted like 86% of the song's lyrics lmao. Cool cool. Now time for Exchange! :D


"This what happen when I think about you
I get in my feelings, yeah
I start reminiscing, yeah
Next time around, 
Fuck, I want it to be different, yeah"

Not too much to highlight this time, but this fucking intro gets me EVERY time.
Man, I feeeeeel you!! T_T


aight that's all folks. back to forcefeeding myself a neverending loop of sad songs.

posted a pic on ig just now and writing the caption alone made me tear up like 7 times what the fuck.
the picture was taken at east coast park when he was standing beside me.
it was the first time a guy brought me to the beach.
i've hated the beach all my life but just sitting on the shore with him in our totally non-beach clothes (it was an impromptu trip) suddenly didn't seem so bad at all.
we cuddled from daytime til sunset.
he bought me an ice cream cone coz i treated him to free prata that i had to write an article about for work.
we took a really long, really nice bus ride together from the far east back to our respective homes.
one of our earlier dates.
it was so, so nice.
:'))))))

OK.

Thursday, 7 April 2016

didn't think it was gonna end. not like this.

ok this is legit scary. i was checking my macbook notes today and realised that i had an emo post dated 3rd april, but at 1 in the afternoon?? ?

that was literally hours and hours before the split was even brought up.

i’m confused. and a little freaked out lol.

maybe my sad ass spirit escaped my physical body and wrote this shit out without me knowing lmao

anyway since i’m getting it all of my system slowly but surely, here ya go folks. yet another emo nemo post

but the difference being…this is some next-level foreshadowing shit lol

MY WRITING IS SAD BEFORE I AM

***


***

kinda funny how these emo shits are getting churned out on the daily...so when i look back through all my happy blog archives, i'll stumble upon the April '16 posts and just be faced with this emotional shitstorm lmao.

coz see, the beautiful thing is, time really does heal all wounds.

yes, how mightily cliched it may seem. but as the great Marshall Eriksen once said, cliches are cliches for a reason.

and maybe it won’t heal all the way.

maybe someday i’ll trudge along one of the places we used to go.
or catch a whiff of the familiar scent i thought only your body could possess.
and all the hurt will come rushing back, memories fresher than ever and the wound in my heart left bleeding again.

but isn’t it comforting to know that
one day
i just might find someone
who holds me so tightly that all the bits of pieces of my being that you’ve torn up
just stick together
and once again
i’m whole.

now, wouldn’t i be glad that you let me go?

Wednesday, 6 April 2016

Today would've been the day.


3 days before the 3rd month.

the day i made up my mind that i had had enough, i cried throughout the day.
for the first time in years, i felt so helplessly miserable that i cooped myself in bed
thinking, if i’m asleep i can’t be sad right?
i slept and i slept, waking up each time to feel worse.


finally the time came.

in one fell swoop,
thank you for showing me that you are not a guy worth crying over.

the tears switched to rage in its purest form.
and now i don’t know if it’s the most painful thing to bear or a numbing i will have to live with for months on end.

but in spite of it all,
the truth remains that you’ve given me a stupidly enormous amount of happiness over the short time that we’ve known each other.

and the role that you’ve played in my life is so significant that i’ll undoubtedly carry the image of your face and the sound of your name ringing in my ears well into my grave.


am i furious? yes. have you caused me hurt beyond repair? time and time again. do i hate you? maybe, i honestly don’t even know yet.

but just as i cannot bear to hit “delete” on all the photos i had taken of us,
the time that we’d spent together which i used to cherish so incredibly dearly,
all exist as memories now that i do not have the heart to kill.

"That promise we made to each other no longer exists.
I'm sorry I couldn't protect it."

Tuesday, 5 April 2016

This is what a broken heart feels like.

!Don't fucking read if you're not trying to see some emo ass, pathetic ass sappy shit about my love life that nobody cares about.

Until further notice, this blog shall act as my personal diary coz there are some things which i need to get off my chest lest it gets choked up beyond repair. This has been a PSA.


meanwhile, to anonymous specific party: you already know where this post is headed, so click X and close this tab right now to save yourself from seeing some shit you probably don't wanna see.

***

i find myself unable to focus on tasks because the thought of the things you said during the last time we spoke pops into my mind without warning, and it was so viciously hurtful that it still makes my stomach churn even though i've tried hundred, then thousands of time to erase it from my memory.

my hands tremble slightly and my heart physically aches to think how wrong i could be about a person i honestly thought i knew.

tears prick the back of my eyes and my vision gets foggy but i always force myself to choke them back because that's it. i'm tired. i'm all cried out. my heart keeps bleeding and bleeding and i know it won't stop.

'cause i can't seem to resist that itch to revisit past memories and tear open old wounds. no matter how little progress i make each day where i try my hardest to forget about you, even if i tried to convince myself that you are 100% the bad guy, flashbacks of every bit of happiness and pleasure you've brought to my life flood my brain once more and i'm left crumbling on the inside.

'cause i'm just a grown. ass. FOOL who still can't get over a guy who had no problem cutting things off completely without a second word said.
the same fool who believed the words you said on the night you gave me my first kiss, where you told me it was something real.
a fool who went against my better instincts and allowed myself to fall for you.

even though, yes i know. 
you told me not to.
and that is quite possibly what hurts the most.

Saturday, 2 April 2016

请你告诉我,如果这样就是爱。

This has been sitting in my drafts since late Feb lol. And it all started out as an SMS draft I typed out on my phone one night back when i was waaaay in my feelings. Never underestimate the power of music to make you feel like a lil sentimental ass bitch lmao


I’ve decided to whip it out now so as not to let the time that I put into editing the pictures go to waste lol. Also because I’m !uncomfortable! with how long it’s been since a new post was published. My apologies for procrastinating so heavily on the Bangkok posts.


(Things change, people change. Feelings change. I guess it's time for me to grow up and accept that.

But for now I guess it's almost bittersweet to look back in time and see that, at some point of our being, I felt these things for you. In the truest, purest form.


What a shame that you wanted – still do to this day, actually – for me to feel nothing at all.)

***


[Warning: gross]

February 24th, 2016 | 12:08 AM

South Lake, Western Australia

All the joys I've experienced in my life up til now,
I'd like nothing more than to share them with you.

Georgetown, Penang
Terminal 1, Changi Airport

To show you my world.
To open the doors to my heart.
A place which I had always kept so guarded.

Qantas Airways, Singapore

From growing up in my cozy Perth home,
To staying at the 5-star Chimelong suite for months on end.

Chimelong Ocean Resort, Hengqin
Kings Park, Perth
Hengqin Ocean Kingdom
Jandakot, Western Australia

Not just the environment, but the simple joys of my day to day life there.

Gateways Donut King
Pizza Delivery Dinner @ Yangebup

Sharing a nice meal together.
Having grocery shopping adventures.

Some grocery store carpark lol, Perth
South Ocean Chinese Restaurant, Perth

I wanna show you all my favourite places, the things that make me smile the most. Go wandering with no destination in sight, just losing an afternoon in each other's company. Returning to the comfortable sanctuary of home at the end of a long day.

Fremantle Boardwalk

So tired,
but so happy.

Perth City

I wanna bury my head in the warm embrace of your chest as i look up at the night sky and thank all my lucky stars for having found you.

To fall asleep in your arms and lay a peck on your cheek first thing in the morning when i wake up.

***

I never thought I'd be this disgustingly mushy.
But then again I'd never met you.

And i never knew...
What a world of magical feelings I'd be engulfed in as a result.

-end of sappy post-

Present day: And now you got me fucked up!! Completely!!!1 ha ha!

nothing lasts forever, kids.
so enjoy the happiness and excitement of today because you never know when it'll all turn to shit!! :D

ain't love grand?? lol