Friday, 8 April 2016

more shit about heartbreak: the MUSIC edition! (ooooh!~~)

In today's edition of Looking Through Old Notes On My Mac And Pouring Metaphorical Salt Into My (Also Metaphorical) Wounds, I found this dumbass "love playlist" which I supposedly felt compelled to draft up back in mid-March lmao wtf??

Holy shit I need help sia...who has time for this shit lmao AND WHY DID I SOUND SO ENTHU

*also there's like 1200 mentions of sex in that one little list...someone pass the holy water pls omg

siao liao siao liao

All the tracks were either discovered or revisited during the months of Jan to March, which is when we dated.

I'm guessing 16th March was probably a day where I felt so giddy with affection and missed the sight of his face so much that I decided to sit down with my laptop and write out this stupid ass list lmao what the frickle frackle

I was so pure and naive then, full of hope and the belief that love actually exists. Sigh

Right now, as much as I'd want to latch onto a rebound or a replacement, whatever you want to call it to fill this gaping void within me (not my vagina lol i'm talking about my hEART)(nobody even asked but ok), part of me knows that I'll probably not be able to even let another in the same way again (again, not my vagina lol JUST A GENTLE CLARIFICATION!). Not for a long time coming.

Maybe it's for the better.

But in the meantime, it's time to build those walls surrounding my heart, soul, and entire being again. The ones which you somehow managed to successfully tear down only to have everything inside destroyed?


It's time to start all over again. From the ground up.

And i pray that I'll be wary the next time of whom I entrust the key to.

Ok emo shit over, I want to talk about more songs now lol PURELY SAD ONES this time.

Going into work on Monday, I was feeling really miserable and unready to face any fellow humans so I decided to stick my face in my phone in the search of technological distractions.

As fate would have it, I stumbled upon this video 100% coincidentally and unplanned! I was actually trying to watch some Unpretty Rapstar vids so i would feel like a badass again and less of a whiny, self-pitying blob lmao (i failed)

Quite possibly the saddest shit ever.

Basick's verse in particular is what really gets me. Such simple lines but it really does hit home for anybody who's ever been in and out of love.

[irrelevant and frankly quite boring rant that'll be interesting to absolutely no one but myself simply coz i love Hyorin so much lol SHE IS PERF]

actually there was a comment on the video which i found rather hilarious

anyone who listens to this song and understands the lyrics would naturally assume it was about a guy who broke her heart right?

someone in the comment section said, "this is definitely about her cat"

hyorin is a full-fledged cat lady, so when i first read the comment i was like LOL

but later i found out the story was not only true, it is completely heartwrenching...


[ok im done lol]

Two other songs that have given me massive feels by the TRUCKLOAD, "Don't" and "Exchange" by Bryson Tiller (holy shit he is one talented lil dude)

Real talk, these songs be sad as shit lol he is VERY emotional! But they're such great tunes I just can't stop jamming out to them ahhhhhhh omg help~~!

On one hand it makes your heart bleed like crazy. But in a bittersweet sort of way, it also brings hope and promise that one day a guy like that will come into your life and say those very words to you.. and actually mean it!!

The lyrics are bomb af in both songs, but Imma highlight some of my faves even tho no one asked me to lol. I just feel so strongly about those words every time I hear them when I'm plugged in on the train, walking to work and shit. Like, damn. I really wanna find somebody like that one day.

"Somebody gotta step up
Girl, I'm that somebody, so I'm next up
Be damned if I let him catch up

It's easy to see that you're fed up
I am on a whole 'nother level

Girl, he only fucked you over cause you let him.

Fuck him, girl, I guess he didn't know any better
Girl, that man didn't show any effort

Do all I can just to show you you're special
Certain it's your love that holds me together"


This part gives me CHILLS every time. Shiet.

"Shawty, you deserve what you've been missin'
Lookin' at you, I'm thinkin' he must be trippin'
Play this song for him, tell him, "Just listen""

Fucking powerful shit right there, man.

"Girl, said he keeps on playin' games
And his lovin' ain't the same
I don't know what to say, but

What a shame.

If you were mine you would not get the same
If you were mine you would top everything"

This part is not so much about the words but more of how he delivers them, he just sounds so forlorn and genuinely sorry for the girl on the shitty guy's behalf like. DAMN. THIS IS REAL SHIT, YO!!

Ok I basically highlighted like 86% of the song's lyrics lmao. Cool cool. Now time for Exchange! :D

"This what happen when I think about you
I get in my feelings, yeah
I start reminiscing, yeah
Next time around, 
Fuck, I want it to be different, yeah"

Not too much to highlight this time, but this fucking intro gets me EVERY time.
Man, I feeeeeel you!! T_T

aight that's all folks. back to forcefeeding myself a neverending loop of sad songs.

posted a pic on ig just now and writing the caption alone made me tear up like 7 times what the fuck.
the picture was taken at east coast park when he was standing beside me.
it was the first time a guy brought me to the beach.
i've hated the beach all my life but just sitting on the shore with him in our totally non-beach clothes (it was an impromptu trip) suddenly didn't seem so bad at all.
we cuddled from daytime til sunset.
he bought me an ice cream cone coz i treated him to free prata that i had to write an article about for work.
we took a really long, really nice bus ride together from the far east back to our respective homes.
one of our earlier dates.
it was so, so nice.



  1. I went through something of similar fashion. 5 years, poof! I wrote this for me & maybe it'll help you too :)

    Be still, my beating heart,
    by dawn we shall rise again.
    Our selfworth a chainmail,
    impervious to pain.

    Our faith will be fed,
    with fears from the past.
    To go forth searching,
    for a love that will last.

    We bid one final goodbye,
    as the credits roll.
    It's a brand new hand,
    and we're not about to fold.


    1. Whoever you are, THANK YOU so much for this.

      It is beautifully written and so powerful, I honestly felt it deep in the cockles of my heart haha :'))

      I truly do appreciate you sharing that with me. Thanks again and hope you have a lovely week ahead!! hehe