Sunday, 10 April 2016

so far gone.

Woke up today feeling abso-fucking-lutely shitty. Like, physical aching right to the core of my chest. But I waddled on over to the coffee table where my family’s mail is usually piled up, spotted my name on a single brown envelope, and tore that shit up to reveal something that definitely made me feel much, much better.


Best believe THAT did the job of ridding me of all my pains and miseries.

Because in the grand scheme of things, success that I’ve accomplished all on my own from nothing but dedication and straight up SLOGGING for 3 years straight, sure makes literally just some guy who was only featured in my daily life for 3 months, seem a lot less significant, doesn’t it?

With that, I hereby declare the official END of the shitty ass emo posts. I’m done, man. Honestly just done to the doneth level with all this shit.

If it was proper closure I was waiting on, well I got it. Last night. When he lured me out of my house under the pretence of wanting to give me an “explanation”, only to spend 20 minutes attacking me for a series of isolated incidents he’s seemingly been harbouring deep in his heart since god knows when.

Legit, the first thing, FIRST THING!! he said to me was “did u tell everyone in your office about us??!”, just because there were a couple of comments left under an instagram post i uploaded the night before. mind you, it made no mention of his identity in any way, shape or form.

i literally have no control over what others wish to comment…nor do i have that much free time as to ORDER those people to comment what they did lol GROW UP.

Thereafter, he started yelling at me some more. Fun fact: throughout the entire exchange there was only a single one-liner that could be qualified as an "explanation”. And hey, I may be a tad biased here, but I think it was one shitty ass excuse.

We went round and round in circles of him trying to weave himself out of this mess and make it seem like it was NO fault of his whatsoever, and me picking apart each of his arguments to show him what completely LUDICROUS claims they were. After which he would only get angrier and seem to hate me more. Which is totes fine by me, by the way. Lol

Honestly it just got laughable after a while. How someone can be so dense and deluded is just…beyond me.

All in all, the meet-up was just a way for him to assuage himself of any guilt and push all the blame to me so he could sleep better at night believing a made-up story where he didn’t completely fuck me over when all I did was overlook every single fucking one of his flaws and care for him for who he is. Nothing more, nothing less.

At certain points he even made ME feel like I was the one at fault for this thing failing to work lol. Can you believe that? This shitty arrangement? He blamed ME for not wanting to continue a 100% one-sided relationship (he verbally admitted to this, btw) where my feelings and emotional investment in him would only grow with time, while he gets to carry on enjoying the perks of having a girlfriend figure in his life without having to give jack shit in return. No feelings. No commitment. Nothing.

Fuckkkkkk man.

You know a lot of the nights I curled myself up in bed just crying and crying, feeling utterly sorry for myself? Now it’s become clear as day who the real pitiful one is.

As Marshall Eriksen once shared (i go to fictional himym characters a lot for relationship adages HAHA), it takes one week for every month you guys were together for you to move on from a breakup.

Well, you just sped up the process by a whole ton, buddy. Good job accelerating that recovery process, pal.

Coz if there’s one thing I’ve learnt from my first dating experience in life, it’s that HATE, in contrast to sadness and heartbreak, is a helluva drug to make you stop the tears and just get the fuck over someone, REAL fast.


April ’16 sure got off to a weird start, with one solid week of emotion-packed posts and shit. But that’s all over now so let’s shut the door forever and let whatever lies behind it slowly go to die lol

See y’all qtpies in the next post for some fun, wholesome, (not-very-exciting coz frankly i don’t do much with my life lol) content about my fuccboi-lacking, drama-free life!! woohoo lol thanks for sticking around <3

and sorry to disappoint if u r one of the few peepz who camped around my blog with a bucket of popcorn waiting for the next emo shit post to drop hahahaha YEA I SEE YOU

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