Tuesday, 5 April 2016

This is what a broken heart feels like.

!Don't fucking read if you're not trying to see some emo ass, pathetic ass sappy shit about my love life that nobody cares about.

Until further notice, this blog shall act as my personal diary coz there are some things which i need to get off my chest lest it gets choked up beyond repair. This has been a PSA.

meanwhile, to anonymous specific party: you already know where this post is headed, so click X and close this tab right now to save yourself from seeing some shit you probably don't wanna see.


i find myself unable to focus on tasks because the thought of the things you said during the last time we spoke pops into my mind without warning, and it was so viciously hurtful that it still makes my stomach churn even though i've tried hundred, then thousands of time to erase it from my memory.

my hands tremble slightly and my heart physically aches to think how wrong i could be about a person i honestly thought i knew.

tears prick the back of my eyes and my vision gets foggy but i always force myself to choke them back because that's it. i'm tired. i'm all cried out. my heart keeps bleeding and bleeding and i know it won't stop.

'cause i can't seem to resist that itch to revisit past memories and tear open old wounds. no matter how little progress i make each day where i try my hardest to forget about you, even if i tried to convince myself that you are 100% the bad guy, flashbacks of every bit of happiness and pleasure you've brought to my life flood my brain once more and i'm left crumbling on the inside.

'cause i'm just a grown. ass. FOOL who still can't get over a guy who had no problem cutting things off completely without a second word said.
the same fool who believed the words you said on the night you gave me my first kiss, where you told me it was something real.
a fool who went against my better instincts and allowed myself to fall for you.

even though, yes i know. 
you told me not to.
and that is quite possibly what hurts the most.

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