Wednesday, 18 January 2017

CHIMELONG ’16: Hotel Buffet!!!!!! a.k.a the highlight of the trip, tbh

Amidst all the exciting activities throughout 10 days spent in Guangzhou (which is also informally referred to as the City Of Immortals, how fucken badass is THAT), exploring the capital and staying in an award-winning, record-smashing, internationally acclaimed 5-star hotel (i ain't throwin all these titles out there for free, y'all. go google it lol), nothing comes even close to beating the anticipation of…The Buffet.

Lez be honest, I am rarely as blissful and truly at peace as when I am cruising the food stands of a well-stocked buffet selection. Except when I’m making sweet, sweet love lmao JKS.!! (but forreal doe)


Because my mum was meeting a friend for lunch who happened to be a member of the hotel staff, they let us enter the restaurant to settle in a good 15 minutes before the doors opened officially at noon.


Getting an early bird's head start to a good ass buffet adventure? PRICELESS.


It was a rather frosty winter's day but gurrrl, lemme tell you. That wasn't the only reason I was quaking at the knees lol

Strolling through the myriad of edible masterpieces made me QUIVER with excitement, god damn!!

Did I also mention...


That shit was fucking ADORABLE???!


We got animal dim sum galore. Duckies above were filled with smashed yam and these pandas? Lotus paste!


We also got custard buns, a.k.a the legendary 流沙包 (liu sha bao), in various shades of skin tone! Coz it's freaking 2016 and it's all about inclusivity, mmmkay? Get wit da program


For (i'm presuming the rare) fans of tapioca, dates and tubers, you're in luck! lol

Srsly doe do people just pick up rods of tapioca and proceed to gnaw on it as a casual afternoon snack?? have i just been missin out my Whole Life


Plus cobs of corn and just yam on DECK. Idk why but I was just so fascinated that they had these on offer, like you could just grab 'em and go at it with your hands like a good ol' fashioned caveman/woman.

Pretty neat to uncover the lids too to find it stocked to the brim and unmarred by other fellow buffet-goers before you :'))


.........aight

thx for the heads up LOL WHAT ARE ""CHITTERLINGS"" ANYWAY!!!!!1

/0.54 seconds later/


Oh. ok

No shade to my beloved fellow Chinese peeps but y'all are GR0SS lol. Not once have I ever eaten anything like pork intestines or,, freaking chicken hEARTS. Just innards in general. Pls. There's enough meat on an animal to go around. Stop bein nasty aight.

THERE WAS SHIT IN THERE AT SOME POINT!!!!!!! U eatin the critter's POOPOO. How u feel abt that????

Nothing, coz you think it's delicious? Okie dokie then lol it's your life :'))


Such adorable sushi. I can guarantee you it's all novelty and no taste, tho.


All-black tobiko, gahd damn.

(whispers: lyk da colour of my soul xoxo)

rawr JKS lmao das fooking gr0ss


Dis the salad section so obviously it had no place or business on my glorious plate of high-carb high-fat nonsense BUT. How gorgeous is the presentation?? Got flower all :'))


The juice dispensers were also pretty as foooook. Like a sweet, thirst-quenching work of art tbh. UNFF. dat makes me moist loljks ST0P.


Aight so this was my loot.

Spicy salmon (my first time eating salmon done "Chinese style" in small chunks with the skin on rather than in the form of a whole fillet; 'twas Amazink), spring roll (with heaps of vermicelli inside it, nice nice), fried soy sauce noodles (skinny style, SOOOO good), some prawn fritter thing, potato smiley, roast turkey with gravy (god, have mercy on my soul. I LOVE MEAT), seared tuna (way too well done, nowhere near as good as the one i had at Shangri La SG. that one touched my soul, forreals. i've not been the same since),  some pumpkin cubes, and ham & cheese coz why tf not.


The mango juice was so sweet and rich, y'all. SO. GOOT <3


Obvs gotta cap off the buffet experience (more like SEXperience, amirite?? coz shoving yummy food inside of u feels so gosh darn pleasurable? feels u up real good? no? ok) with some DESSERT by Dawin a.k.a one of the best booty-popping songs of All Time.


Portugese egg tart, sooooo soft oh my lord.
Apple pie tart, very cute and delicious filling but the pastry was too cakey and the ratio of crust-to-apple sauce wasn't exactly one hunnit, ja feel?
Y'all already know how I feel about the Napoleon puff pastries. If my stomach space allowed, I would've sent another 6 to 8 of dem thangs flying down my gullet.

Food is so good, y'all.

(lmfao i accidentally typed "good is so good y'all" at first and apparently that was enough to make me burst out in whooping guffaws oh wow. my standards for hilarity are so low...im such a laugh slut)

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