Saturday, 15 April 2017

i've got a massive HARD-on for chye seng huat HARDware, and i don't care who sees.

Is there a better title that I could've thought of for this completely non-boner-related post? Probably.
Does my weary brain want to continue searching the depths of my cranium for said title at 4 in the morning?
Hell to the fuk no lol

This cafe is next-level as all hell and I highly recommend it with all my heart, soul, SPLEEN. Everything.

Salmon rice bowl, breakfast platter. Dem black things are mushrooms and I have no idea in hell how they sautéed it, or what marinade they used, but I have NEVER tasted such amazing fungal matter in my whole damn life.

Sticky fig pudding. Very dense, very sweet. Packs an intense flavour punch! Thumbs up for the delicious sticky sauce alone, tbh.

Roast pork belly tater tots. Came with a sinfully delicious mess of melted cheese, spicy jalapeños (MY LOVE), salsa, roast pork chunks (too tough and chewy, in my opinion...but they still provided a wonderful savoury kick and YAAAS MEAT all day, err day), and a sunny side up egg fried so gosh darn thinly, it's pretty much just a shaved SLIVER.

Poke the yolk open and let it ooze all over them cheesy taters...god damn, I love artery-choking fried food lol

Y'all know I'm a $5-factory-outlet-shirt-wearing, 菜贩-eating, walking-from-one-MRT-station-another-to-save-money-on-my-EZ-link card type o' bitch. So don't go thinking that I cafe-hop all the damn time like a mansion-dwelling heiress whose wealthy parents supply with such an abundance of hundred dollar notes that her branded purse can barely contain it all.

Their outdoor seating area. Good shiet, good shiet right dere ✔✔

Chye Seng Huat offers an all-encompassing experience (food, service, physical setting, ambience) that is worth saving up for (aiyo wtf why this sentence sound so press release-y lol fuck mi ded)! Treat yo self!! If I dined at such extravagant places with a frequency that were anywhere near regular, I'd be declaring bankruptcy by next Tuesday.

Once in a willy-while, tho? These are the occasions that give me a reason to LIVE lol. Not even joking, actually. Like, my life may be crumbling to absolute pieces in every single area imaginable and I may be one emotional breakdown away from total insanity but lemme just postpone my Clocking Out Of This World til after I get to devour a good ass brunch one last time, ja feel??


/cue nervous laughter as i attempt to shrug off questions from concerned friends who see the suicidal shit i post online then ask irl whether i'm Doing Okay xo/

relatable af, tbh.

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