Sunday, 30 April 2017

my Famous Friends™ and i!!!1 (such influencer much w0w)

Legit wanted to write just a short and sweet Facebook status when I saw this cute lil memory of 2016. But along with the lovely nostalgia of good food and hearty laughter I shared with Joyce and Thomas, came waves ringing in my mind of the nasty shit that so many people have had to say about our friendship. Crashing so hard and so rapidly that it swirled into a tsunami and had me pounding away at my keyboard with flashbacks of everything that I've had to deal with this past year or so.

Why did I have to question myself and my intentions of sitting next to someone at lunch I could actually have casual conversation with, posting a selfie of me with them on social media, or simply asking them out to kick it with me in a public setting where they'd likely be recognized by adoring fans requesting to take a picture with them (not including me, though! i'm just some random nobody lucky enough to get to hang out with them ☺) so they could show off to all their followers about this celebrity sighting?

Why was I the one who had to be burdened by the callous words of everyone from close friends to complete strangers and anonymous cowards sending me hate online, to the point where I couldn't fall asleep at night?

As ugly as they may sound, I'm going to share some of these accusations with you right now. And get them the fuck out of my system once and for all. Purge my soul of these ridiculous damnations so that I may start on a clean slate as clear and pristine as I know my conscience to be.

"finally a happy post"

this was one of the first nights i had post-Nazmi where i could flash a genuine smile and not feel hopeless and empty inside. and it was all coz of you guys.

the lunch sessions that gave me something to look forward to at work instead of wanting to quit my internship ahead of time and just Give Up on life, staying home to rot. the post-work dinners so i wouldn't head home immediately from the office and sit in the dark crying for hours on end. the nonsense y'all sent me in the group chat so i could work up the slightest chuckle instead of aching to my core each time i picked up my phone and realized i would never again receive a message from the guy to whom i entrusted my heart only to get it thrown right back at my face in smithereens.

it's cliche to talk about how time flies, but it simply feels strange that it's been 365 days since this casual hangout session at Brothers Ramen. how many storms have we helped one another to weather since that evening? even if it means passing only a single raggedy umbrella of emotional support back and forth on loop, sometimes putting our own problems on hold just to help the other(s) out.

how unlikely was the formation of our ties. this strong and this quickly, too.

one was my superior at my very first "proper job". you interviewed me, you hired me. you were authority, and i was supposed to report to you. gotta respect workplace relationship boundaries. gotta keep it professional. i'm just a kid anyway, and you're a proper grownup. we can't talk too much with each other if it's not about work. we can't hang out outside of office hours. the other interns will give me dirty looks and wonder why this bitch is sucking up to the supervisor. no wonder she performed well at her internship, just look how close she is with the deputy editor. she must be faking and flaunting this whole friendship for online attention. joycestarbean has well over 10,000 followers, you know?

the other was pretty much my enemy. you live about 50 steps away from my house, we've been in the same course in the same school for 3 years. the amount of times we've passed each other on campus and not bothered to acknowledge each other's presence? forget it, if there were any semblance of a friendship to be forged, it would've happened by now. us two will probably never so much as speak to each other. i thought you were a typical fuccboi, disgusting. you thought i was some airheaded bitch who posted attention-seeking shit on instagram to feed my self-esteem issues.

ok, we got over that. it's chill now. but nope. apparently i'm only friends with you coz you're skyrocketing as a local vlogger and i wanna latch onto your fame. and of course, OF COURSE, we fucked. i mean, there's no other explanation for us to be this close, right? have you seen the kind of stuff i post online? i'm such a slut.

these two not only stuck around each and every time i was completely broken and torn apart shred by shred, they helped build me back up from scratch. and they sure as hell don't keep score of how often i still falter, how long it takes before i'm back up on my feet, nor do they make me feel like without them i would be weak. for these reasons...god forbid that i ever, /EVER/ in this entire lifetime, take the bond of BMC for granted.


You, probably: " triggered you sia??"

me: Facebook Memories©, tbh

and the tragic thing is it ain't even the first time LOL (click here for emo v-day version)(ohhhhh so sad sia, no boyfriend on valentiMe's day wow!!!!!1 ppl are starving bitch  GET OVER IT)

Something tells me I should just stay away from FB altogether. Coz it's either I get triggered by some sad shit to write 7,000 words for no goddamn reason, or it forces me to come to the realization that:

tragic :')

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